Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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