I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
