we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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