hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
