Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
In other news, I just burned my penis
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
