people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
