And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
