if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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