After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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