I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
