So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
