i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
