You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
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