Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
