ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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