She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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