I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
