I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
