I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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