my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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