I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I don't deserve a penis
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
