I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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