At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
