A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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