Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Got a toothbrush?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
