matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
