somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
