I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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