btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
