cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
