Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
