Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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