I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
