I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
