Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
