I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
