I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
