Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
last night I used snow as a chaser
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
