There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
