PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
