How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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