her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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