SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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