I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
