I could make wine with my vomit
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
