How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
