Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
