i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
