this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
