He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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