She's JV to your varsity
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
