you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Randomize
