literally had 100 drinks last night.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
