Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
